This Bryce Canyon Bristlecone Pine is about 1,500 years old. Every turn in its trunk and limb seems to mirror our ability to confront and survive difficult circumstances.   People are like tea bags. You never know how strong you are until you are in hot water. - Bruce Laingon Former Ambassador to Iran

MAYBE WE SHOULD SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

As the headlines pound us with news of the latest disaster, it is easy to slide into a feeling of hopelessness. We become weighed down by the belief there is nothing we can do that can make a difference.

However, there are many people who, undeterred, find a way to make an impact.

Take this boy for example:

A young boy was walking on the beach when he noticed thousands of starfish had been washed up and stranded on the shoreline. In an effort to save them he began to gently pick them up one by one and place them in the ocean.

A man observed this scene and commented to the boy that he was wasting his time because there were so many of them and even more continued to be washed up on the shore.

The boy picked up another starfish, looked at the man and said, "Well, it makes a difference to this one!"

Author Unknown

This newsletter will focus on what you can do to help yourself or others when faced with adversity or a traumatic circumstance.

What is heartening are the stories of people who responded to hurricane Katrina by opening their homes to strangers, conducting diaper and clothing drives, sending toys to the displaced children and generously donating to the Red Cross and other relief agencies.

CRISIS HAS THE CAPACITY TO:

PROTECTIVE FACTORS

Resiliency research (Julius Segal, Winning Life's Toughest Battles) has identified five elements that appear to enable people to effectively rebound from adversity. These "protective factors" have been shown to inoculate people from the devastating impact of trauma.

This is not to say people who maintain these protective factors do not experience the pain and distress associated with loss, stress, or crisis.

What these people are able to do is to find a way to revitalize their lives in the face of their difficulty, adapting more readily to their new reality.

The Five Protective Factors:

1. Meaning & Purpose

“"If we have a why then we can deal with the how's."

Frederick Nietzche

What gives your life meaning and purpose?

What makes you feel like life is worth living?

That can change in an instant.

Crisis and adversity can redirect the sense of meaning in our lives in ways that would be impossible to imagine. Rather than simply destroying us, a catastrophic event can set us on a new path that allows us to better deal with the unfamiliar reality we find ourselves in.

Consider these examples of people who responded to crisis by discovering a new sense of meaning and purpose:

Candy Lightner organized Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) after her daughter Cari was killed by a drunk driver. Founded on September 5, 1980 (Cari's birthday), MADD has been extraordinarily successful in influencing drunk driver laws and changing our perception of what constitutes "driving under the influence".

Eileen Stevens created The Committee to Halt Useless College Killings (CHUCK) after her son, Chuck Stevens, died of ethanol poisoning during a fraternity initiation. Eileen began CHUCK (named after her son) to ensure that her child won't have died in vain.

Iris Bolton's son committed suicide in February 1977. She described herself as the "walking wounded". Years later she wrote the book, My Son, My Son: A guide to healing after suicide. Ms. Bolton's leadership in suicide prevention has inspired schools, organizations and family members to take active steps to develop prevention and intervention programs.

2. Order & Stability

The predictable nature of the normal routines of life provides a sense of order and comfort in your life. Your routines revolve around your home, neighborhood, work or school.

Crisis disrupts or even destroys many of the normal routines of life.

The effect can be devastating as it shakes the foundation of your life.

To recover your stability, it is important to create new routines or adapt old ones to the new environment that has been created by the crisis.

For example:

Each morning

• Gather your family together and have a family meeting
• Share your fears and what you are thankful for
• Talk about your plans for the day.

3. Connectedness

A sense of connectedness supports the belief that you are important -- that you count.

Crisis creates a breech in this conviction.

As people struggle to survive (literally and emotionally), a feeling of isolation can destroy a person's ability to cope.

Research (Werner & Smith) suggests that a "warm and supportive family environment" and/or an "extra familial peer or adult support network" is a vital ingredient for being able to respond effectively to adversity.

4. Internal Locus Of Control

In crisis, many people feel that their lives are out of control.

It appears to them that other people or circumstances control their choices, emotional well being and their future.

But even under the most adverse situations there are choices.

Take, for example, Art Berg.

At age 20, on a trip to Utah the car he was in crashed. Art was paralyzed from his chest down. Medical professionals informed him that for the rest of his life he would be dependent on others for his basic needs and would never be able to work again.

But Art was inspired by these wise words from his mother:

"Art, the difficult takes time…
the impossible takes just a little longer"

He decided to live his life based on what he could do, not what he couldn't. He is now a motivational speaker, husband, father, athlete and drives his own car.

5. Optimism

We may not have any control over the events that are causing distress in our lives… but we do have control over the way we explain those events to ourselves. That's optimism.

Optimists avoid catastrophizing, not allowing it to infect other parts of their life. They don't ruminate -- excessively complaining how bad things are.

Optimists are less likely to personalize events, not taking responsibility for things out of their control.

Being optimistic does not eliminate difficulty, conflict or loss. But it does improve a person's ability to rebound effectively from these experiences.