I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. Charlotte Bronte

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.

Harry Truman

All of us have unique perceptions and attach different meanings to difficult situations. A divorce may mean a devastating blow to one person's self esteem while to another it's a signal for continued growth and renewal.

And all of us explain these situations to ourselves with a style that is habitual and reactive. Sometimes this serves us well while at other times it expands our misery.

As crisis, conflict and loss are an inevitable part of our existence we have plenty of opportunity to practice these skills.

Optimism is one of those key qualities that enable people to rebound from adversity, to be able to not only bounce back but find opportunity even in the most difficult situations.

Here are some guidelines for becoming optimistic and some information about why you want to do it:

1. Avoid Ruminators and Ruminating

There is a distinct difference between ruminating and venting.

Venting is a healthy strategy to get something off your chest. Once you do it, you're done.

Ruminating is like a cow's digestive process. A cow chews between 40-60,000 times a day with the remnants moving through 130 feet of intestine ending you know where.

Ruminating is counterproductive and unhealthy. Ruminators are never quite satisfied. We all know people who manage problems this way. Their problems don't get solved because the process never ends.

Be careful around ruminators because moods are contagious. Once you're infected you are likely to experience an agitated state, a skewed perspective, a loss of motivation and a muffled creative spirit.

When this happens, you become a carrier, too, and can infect someone else...
Like your family!!

2. Make a Commitment to Become More Optimistic

There's good news and bad news regarding optimism.

First the good news:

Optimism can be learned.

Now the bad news:

It takes work.

While some people seem to be naturally optimistic, the rest of us often struggle to believe there can be a hopeful side to the turbulence we are experiencing.

The first step toward finding that hopeful side is to make a commitment to try.

Back to the good news:

A commitment to an optimistic attitude has an immediate payoff in terms of reducing stress and increasing creativity, energy and productivity.

Martin Seligman, a clinical researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, says about optimists, "Their health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most of us from the usual physical ills of middle age. Evidence suggests they may even live longer." He provides a step-by-step guide to become more optimistic in his book, Learned Optimism.

3. Learn Rational Comebacks For Irrational Beliefs

Think about what you tell yourself about yourself (and others) throughout the day, particularly when you are under stress. Not a pleasant thought.

That's because...

80% of all self-talk is negative.

"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"
-- Rob Bremer

Probably not.

Most of us don't bask in our successes or what's going well. We focus on problems and often give ourselves a hard time.

Change that.

You can alter habitual thought patterns by employing disputation strategies.

When those thoughts arise, STOP, and ASK YOURSELF:

For Example:

A project that has been assigned an emergency priority is due for review in two days. Jane realizes that she will not be able to complete it on time.

Self Talk (Beliefs based on old habitual thought patterns)

I can't believe I have all this to do.

I'll never have enough time to do it right.

Why do I always leave things for the last minute?

Consequence

Given the above thoughts, Jane has intensified her negative situation and further limited her effectiveness.

Reframed Response (Using disputation strategy)

These are alternative messages Jane could give herself that would possibly defuse the negative situation, and create the greatest likelihood of success:

I have a lot of work to do in a short period of time.

Is it true that I won't be able to finish on time?

If not, what resources can I find to assist me
and what are my alternatives?

If so, how can I minimize the negative consequences
to the project, to me and to others?

I will commit to developing better time management and
project assessment skills. 

Consequence

Given the above thoughts, Jane is more likely to summon the energy and attention required to complete her tasks.

4. Make Optimism A Daily Habit

Focus on prevention rather than crisis intervention.

Prevention means…

Don't wait until your stress level puts you on an
emotional roller coaster before taking action.

To keep off that roller coaster, develop routines that are meaningful, predictable, and contribute to your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well being.

Find ways to remind yourself of these commitments.