Effective feedback activates a process that creates meaningful and sustained change.

When used properly, feedback can be one of the most dynamic strategies to influence personal and organizational change. However, even well intended feedback, if poorly framed or presented, can have the unintended consequence of damaging relationships.

Feedback is pervasive
 Feedback can be a positive influence on change
  Most of the time it's not
   Why?

Most Feedback Is Noise

We are all inundated with an unwavering stream of messages from others who seek to change or influence our behavior.

That's feedback.

People want us to:

• Work faster
• Be more efficient
• Change our habits
• Do things we have no intention of doing

OR WORSE

• Do things we think we are already doing!!!

THEIR Point of view:

They are confounded that we don't immediately change our behavior after they give us their profound and well-founded reasons for doing so.

OUR Point of view:

We resent and resist someone trying to change us.

THE REALITY:

People only change if they believe it is in their best interest to do so.

A simple explanation for the mysterious phenomenon of ignored feedback is that the content and delivery of the message is faulty.

Let's examine what it's like to be on the receiving end of ineffective feedback strategies. If we can recognize how unproductive they are with us, we will be less likely to apply them to others.

Here are...

Five Feedback Strategies To Avoid

1. Nagging

Nagging is one of the most aggravating and ineffective forms of feedback.

"How many times have I told you to...?"

Hearing that makes your blood boil, not make you more responsive to the message.

After repeating something hundreds of times over a period of years, you would think someone would realize that the other person has no real interest in changing their behavior.

Perhaps it's time to try another tactic.

2. "Bird-dogging"

It takes more than vigilance to change someone's habits.

Have you ever been driving over the speed limit and noticed a police officer staked out on the side of the road?

What did you do?

If you are like most people, you slowed down-- for 9 seconds. One study discovered that's the average time it took drivers to resume their original speed.

Evidently, it takes more than vigilance to change someone's driving habits, work habits or personal habits.

3. Stealth Feedback

Feedback presented cryptically is confusing, not effective.

Sometimes we just get the feeling that someone doesn't like our behavior. We're unsure what we need to do, but we know we're not meeting their undefined standards.

For example: The boss is clearly dissatisfied. But about what? Does he/she want us to be more professional?

If so, what does that mean? Wearing a tie? Improving our vocabulary? Wearing matching socks?

How can we be expected to make relevant change if feedback does not specifically define what needs to be changed? And, why do they think we can't be trusted to respond to feedback given respectfully and directly?

4. Emotional Baggage

Feedback is frequently accompanied by intense emotions that drown it out.

The message may well be relevant, but what gets our attention is its emotional wrapping.

Hearing feedback obscured by strong emotions is like trying to have an important conversation during a hurricane. We react to the powerful emotions, making it extremely difficult to give thoughtful consideration to the feedback.

5. Laundry Listing

Feedback can come as a litany of complaints.

“And another thing you do that...”

We do something and suddenly get hit with an endless list of our problem behaviors.

Bombarded by this barrage of feedback, we hunker down to weather out the storm or prepare to volley back with our own list.

Be aware of the ineffectiveness of the feedback you receive.  

Want to influence the behavior of others?

Replicate what works.

*** Next Newsletter: 7 Effective Feedback Strategies ***